Do do do do do do do do do do do do doooooo I’ll sing a tune about our pied piper Who’d rather use his spells than be a wiper He had ideas for how to save the birds And rid their towns and cities of their turds He’d use his spells to raise the faecal matter Then take it to the fields and let it splatter And Vammeln said: if you remove our dung We’ll pay you, yes, we haven’t had you strung Hey, fiddle-dee Come and let us see Hey, fiddle-doo A city that got rid of poo And with his magic Vammeln got a blessing But who will pay when poop it is not pressing? They acted sinful, wicked, and gluteal They paid him less than what was in the deal The piper had solved issues with their bowel And disliked being met with disavowal He decided he was in a shitty town To retaliate he’d turn the city brown Oh no, no The acts of Vammeln left him feeling gutted The streets and roads of Vammeln now got flooded The city thought that they could act with haste But how would they stop waves and streams of waste? The sight of what they saw gave them the shivers: The town was being met with fetid rivers His vengeance was no ordinary feat A thousand people drowned in their excrete I know you’re thinking “how long can this last” But trust me, please, the worst, by now, has passed For forty days and night the town smelt putrid The city rued they piper they recruited Now shits, and farts and poops and piece of crap Was found in every house and every gap For long the flooding showed no sign of stopping Now everyone in town had tasted dropping Those left in town were feeling like a fool Standing in the midst of their own stool Hey fiddle-dee Glad it wasn’t me Hey fiddle-doo Hope you can take a cue The city folk were left all broken-hearted The fallout was what they themselves had… started Now left to clean the city of their muck The morale of the story suddenly struck Be sure to follow through when in agreement Or else the hatred will just become vehement Rather follow what’s in testament Than drown in what is your own excrement Hey fiddle-dee Now you all are free Hey fiddle-doo Excuse me, now I have to use the loo
Fra tid til anden deltager jeg i en fantasy-skriveklub, hvor vi skriver ting sammen. Jeg skrev dengang om nogle husskader, der havde deres egne byer og skrev sange og sådan og var inspireret af de tyske hansestæder. I forberedelsen dertil lærte jeg, at "pie" i "magpie" er det samme ord som i "the pied piper", som vi på dansk kender som Rottefængeren fra Hammeln.
I en diskussion med de andre i klubben snakkede vi om den der ting fra Harry Potter med, at troldmænd og -kvinder bare tryller deres afføring væk. Jeg så mit snit til at lave en vittighed med en slags rottefænger, der bruger magi til at fjerne afføringen, og fik derfor en udfordring om, at det skulle jeg skrive om.
Jeg skrev derfor denne her sang, der kombinerer historien bag Rottefængeren fra Hammeln med det sørgelige ordspil "the pied pooper" på en af Ørkenens Sønners sange, der handler om utrolig meget lort.